Evidences of grace.
This is a rather rambling post, just some things I want to write down before I forget —
It’s felt non-stop since we moved down to SoCal a little less than a month ago. I’m realizing that my ability to actually care for Mama and Papa Kim is limited by my need to care for my own littles. And since Mama Kim has been going through an aggressive period in her disease, part of my care for my kids has meant keeping them home and out of the path of danger. Very sad about this. So most of my participation has been in the way of researching, making phone calls, putting options before Papa Kim, helping with meals as I can, and — probably the hardest of all — freeing JE to serve them without complaining, without adding to his burden. The many phone calls throughout the day, the afternoons and evenings and weekends when his dad needs him. We’ve agreed this is a transitional period. We’re trying to find a new normal not only for us but for his parents. God give us strength during this period.
Some evidences of His strength-giving grace lately:
Last week, I was at cracking point, but we were able to visit my parents and our church in NorCal for a whirlwind trip (less than two days). We almost canceled the trip because of the complications with Mama Kim, but JE delayed the trip only by a day so we could help his parents figure out a solution while we were gone and said, “Let’s go.” We packed in an hour and went. It was worth it to go, even if just to see the reunion between my parents and the kids. They missed each other so much. And seeing dear friends at church, friends I could cry to and share with and be encouraged by … God knew.
I also developed a stress-related infection shortly before leaving for NorCal. I didn’t realize how severe it was until we came back. So I went to urgent care and had some medicine prescribed to me. I worried about the cost since I’d be paying sans insurance (insurance for JE’s new job doesn’t kick in ’til March 1), but the pharmacist at Vons was extraordinarily kind to me. She noticed my driver’s license had a different address than my medical records, so that launched us into a conversation about my move to SoCal. She signed me up for a discount program for my medication. So my total for the medication was $7. She also gave me a $25 Vons gift card as a welcome to SoCal/urgent care referral bonus. And then — this was the part that tipped me over the edge and made me want to cry — she spent about five minutes tenderly telling me to take care of myself. This sounds so silly, but being in a season where it feels like we are helping everyone but have no one to ask for help (I’m sure this is an exaggeration, but it’s one that my wavering emotions tempt me to believe sometimes), having a complete stranger see my burden and care for me was so moving. It was clearly God using this woman to remind me that He sees, He hears, He knows. And His arms never fail to hold us up.
I’m so grateful.
“The eternal God is a dwelling place and underneath are the everlasting arms.” (Deuteronomy 33:27a)